If I Were a Santa

Parody Performed By: Skip Briggs

Original Song: "If I Were a Rich Man" by Sheldon Harnick & Jerry Bock

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If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
If I were a holly jolly man, if I were a frayleich man
If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
I would dress up for my yearly flight in a Yarmulkeh that's red and white

And I would
Have my elves keep busy the whole year working on every kosher toy
Wooden dreidels for ev-er-y girl and boy
And I would
Have my reindeer practice their flying faster and higher than before
I would kvel as I would watch them soar

If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
I would greet you "sholem aleycham", if I were a Christmas man
If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
I would thrill both shikse and shygetz, and I'd never have any regrets

And I would
Schlep a bag jammed full of the presents I would deliver Christmas eve
Landing on the rooftops with great espirit
And then a
Quick trip down the chimney to drop off gifts for the little goyem kids
And maybe nosh a schmear left near the tree

If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
I would get a lot of mazel tov, if I were the Christmas mensch
If I were a Santa,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle ho ho ho
But I'll never serve as you-know-who, because I'm orthodox and I'm a jew.