Cyclospora

Original Song: "One Tin Soldier" by Coven

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Listen children to a story
Started not so long ago
'Bout a bug named cyclospora
And of how it causes woe
It might get into your lettuce
And then get inside of you
Works its magic in your gut
And then you get volcanic poo

Take away the regulations
And the things they recommend
Do it in the name of profits
But it's gonna get you in the end
There's gonna be the sound of trumpets
Coming from the loo
On the days that come right after
Cyclospora gets in you

Then the folks who let this happen
Said don't worry, it'll pass
But the people on their toilets
Said "go blow it out your a$$"
Came an answer from officials
"Just ignore the lying news
This is nature being helpful
Think of all the weight you'll lose"

Then the people cried in anger
"Why'd you let it come to this?
This explosive diarrhea
Is a mess you can't dismiss
Where is our official guidance
Tell us how to end this dread"
So the leaders sent a message
"Have a blast" was all it said

Go ahead and make a salad
Go ahead and eat that fruit
Do it knowing that tomorrow
Everybody's gonna hear you toot
You may believe that thunder's clapping
When the skies are blue
But it isn't stormy weather
Someone's cannonballing poo

Go ahead and eat those berries
Go ahead and eat those greens
Won't be long 'til you're producing
Seeming neverending brown jet streams
And while you're making dirty squirty
You might see the trap
When you cut the watchdog programs
You just get a load of crap