Goodbye Normal Jeans

This parody is based on the original version of "Candle In the Wind" as it appears on the "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" album released in 1973.

Goodbye normal jeans,
When I tried to find you today
You're not among the merchandise
Here on the store display

There's blue jeans from Armani,
Calvin Klein and Jean Gautier
With logos on the pockets
To add to their cachet

And it seems to me a workman's pants
Shouldn't be designer made
With all style and no substance
They're just gonna fade
And they need to be cotton denim
Not organdy or suede
My jeans should help protect my legs
Not help me to get laid

Blue jeans should be tough
The toughest trousers ever made
Levi Strauss created a superpant
And this is how he's repaid

Gold and green and beige
And chartreuse and ecru
I say colors are just fine
Just as long as the color choice is blue

And it seems to me an honest jean
Shouldn't flare out like a bell
Shouldn't fasten up with velcro
This is blue jean hell
And I can't find a single rivet
On any of these pairs
I bet it won't be long before
They're full of rips and tears

Goodbye normal jeans
Though I always wore you before
I guess you're out of fashion now
Not wanted anymore

Goodbye normal jeans
From the old man who has worn you all his life
Who's looking for something not so sexual
Something not more suited for my wife

And it seems to me, my denim pants
Shouldn't need a diamond cut
I don't care if they are stonewashed
Or show off my butt
And this moment I realized something
I should have seen before
I'm looking at the trousers in
A women's clothing store

(I think I'll slip on out of here
And shop the Sears next door)